When you hear the words 'Divine Feminine' what comes to your mind?
A woman standing in a flowing dress who is softly spoken? Perhaps the impression of a woman who is weak? A 'push over' so to speak. Maybe someone who is really 'girly'?
For me, looking back, none of these were even in my reality. I hadn't even heard of the words 'divine feminine'.
In the past, when ever I had decided to dress up and really embrace my curves it was to feel powerful in a sexual way. I felt powerful. I will admit I even felt that I could control men with the illusion I had created of myself. As I write this I'm having a little giggle at this reflection as I was very much channelling my inner Siren energy.
I was someone who lived very much in their masculine energy. (We all have both masculine and feminine energy within us).
In my experience, anytime I had let down my guard and shown my softer side I got hurt.
When I was developing into a young woman, I was teased. So I would harden up even more. I created the biggest wall around me and only very few knew who I was on the inside. I was proud of this - that no one knew the true me. I wore it like a badge of honour. Ultimately, even I didn't know who I was without this wall of 'protection' around me and wore so many different masks to hide this. I was just existing, yet I became a hard-arse force to be reckoned with.
I had come to the conclusion that if I let anyone get close to me I was going to get hurt. So, I would push people away or only let certain people get to know only a little about me. Underneath all of this, I was a hurt little girl who just wanted to be loved and had gone into survival mode at a very young age to help keep myself safe.
No one was coming to save me, I only had myself. I was my own warrior and I had times where I was in my fight or flight mode to ensure I was protected from harm.
Again - very masculine.
When I started doing more energetic healing modalities from 2014, I discovered more and more about myself. The more I discovered, the more came to the surface to be healed. Some of this was very confronting. Our minds are truly amazing. What your mind will do to protect you and keep you safe, so you can function and move forward in your life, is incredible.
In 2015, during my Reiki I initiation, I saw myself through multiple past lives as a High Priestess holding initiations and rituals. This unlocked many of my spiritual gifts that I wasn't aware that I had residing within me. I remember thinking "Wow! She is so beautiful- and powerful. Oh wait. That's me! I can be powerful and soft at the same time." This realization felt strange and empowering all at once. The more I did my Reiki, and went on to become a Reiki Master, the stronger my intuition developed and the softer I felt myself become - though I still kept my guard up. No one was getting past this.
2016 saw me step into the world of the mindfulness technique that is ThetaHealing. This was a game changer for me in the way I did my healings. With each seminar I undertook the more I uncovered, shifted and changed. This became enlightening and frustrating at the same time. As I shifted and changed, others around me didn't. Why couldn't they see that I had changed? I wasn't the same person I was years ago. Yet I would find myself being triggered and thankfully I now had the tools to be able to clear what it was that was coming up for me.
In February 2020, I was a facilitator for the Ultimate Girls Week Away at Plantation Island in Fiji where we had Elizabeth Gilbert as our keynote wisdom keeper. Here I had I felt I could fully step into my true-self and I didn't hold back. For the first time in my life, I felt like I could really be safe in being who I wanted the world to see me as.
One thing that stood out to me was witnessing many of these women waiting. When I tuned into this I realized that they were waiting for permission. Permission to let go, relax, and have fun. I decided this way had to change and that women needed to know what it felt like to be in their own power, to be themselves, and to feel safe in this space.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world" ~ Mahatma Gandhi
It was eight months since my mother had died and it was in Liz Gilbert's keynote speech that I had the most profound healing... I had to leave the great hall we were set up in and had the biggest snot cry. I was finally in a place where I felt held, supported, and safe enough to let my walls down to myself (note- to myself, no one else) and allow the heartache, grief and sorrow of all the pain surrounding my mother and her death to go. I remembered my mum's words come back to me in the last weeks before she died. She said "I'm not worried about you Christine as you're the strong one. You can handle this." She was concerned about how my brother and sister were going to handle her passing. Here, on the shores of the tropical
island, I cried out the weight these words weighed on me. Then, to my surprise, I had other things come to the surface on the wave of these tears that were coming from the depths of my heart - including the ending of my marriage from years before when my children were just babies. This really took me by surprise and I saw that it was a healing to the woman, the Maiden, I was before I got married and how she became an empty vessel to survive as she then left as the Mother. The strength that had been discovered from the most unknown depths from within herself just to BE. Again- more masks.
Then the gratitude to myself for how far I have come and to where I'm continuing to move forward.
Fiji healed, changed and transformed every single woman there - including the facilitators as well as the participants.
Less then a month after returning from Fiji, the world changed forever. For us to have had this incredible experience in Fiji and then for the world to lockdown afterwards - No such thing as 'coincidence'.
I was introduced to KunYin Feminine Energy in Motion not long after we had started lockdown. The thing I liked about starting off with this online movement class was that I could have my screen off and no one could see me.
I didn't realize how much resentment I was holding towards my body. I felt she had let me down. I was overweight, in pain, I was always shocked when I looked in the mirror as I didn't recognise the woman with the vacant eyes looking back at me, I felt like my body had completely abandoned and betrayed me.
The more I participated in KunYin the more I started to hear the voice of my body. She hadn't abandoned me. I had been stifling her voice. I was drowning her out with pain meds, alcohol and crap food in an attempt to feel better... or more to the point - to numb myself against the pain even more.
I started to listen to my body. I accommodated to her needs.
I went to my naturopath and underwent a massive detox plus cleanse. I also did a hair sample where they tested for over 500 things that could be inflaming my body. And incomes the 'dark night of the soul'. Talk about clearing your crap out and what is no longer serving you (insert eye roll). Yet I continued with my KunYin. KunYin gave me clarity on so much in my life on what was and wasn't serving me. I became more empowered within myself and developed a deeper relationship with my body as well as what it meant to embody the divine feminine. When the call was put out for the very first KunYin Instructor's Training, I put my hand up without considering it. For me it was a no brainer - every woman needed to experience the power of KunYin for herself.
I was so dedicated to this practice, as a devotion to myself, that I became the first KunYin Certified Instructor. I have since gone on to be a KunYin Teacher Training Coach for the following three rounds for women all around the world. This, along with other practices I do, I have completely transformed my life. For the better.
As you can see, this wasn't over night. I have done the work. I have experienced the highest of highs and the absolute contrast in the deepest of lows. I'm not going to sugar coat it, some of these lows were incredibly dark, scary and I felt completely alone. At times, I felt completely abandoned by those who I felt were the closest to me. This is why I do what I do to help others. To remind you that you are never alone. Things happen for a reason. Some people in your life may only be there for a season. Everything has its divine time in your life.
Upon refection, I wouldn't change my journey of what has been, even the really dark days, what it continues to be with its ebbs and flows, fore I wouldn't be who I am today without it. I wouldn't have developed the wisdom I have to help others the way I do today if I didn't walk this path.
I know that Fiji was a part of my Divine Timing and a huge turn towards learning and understanding the Divine Feminine.
KunYin then taught me how to safely embrace the feminine, all she can represent and to fully step forward in the embodiment of all I am and that of who I continue to grow into.
My take on the Divine Feminine?
She is the Maiden, Mother and Crone.
She is the Wise Woman.
She is soft, loving, compassionate and nurturing.
She is Intuitive.
She is a warrior.
She is a Creatrix.
She is fierce.
She is passionate.
She holds a safe and sacred space for others.
She knows her worth.
She loves, honours and nurtures herself.
She doesn't settle just for the sake of it.
She knowingly holds the knowledge of the Universe within her cells.
She is one with all.
She is the embodied woman.
She collaborates with and celebrates others.
She knows and owns her power.
She knows forgiveness with mercy and compassion.
She has, and implements, boundaries.
She knows how to honour herself by speaking her truth.
She welcomes the Divine Masculine to stand in his power and feels safe to completely surrender - thus allowing him to walk side by side with her as they grow together and support each other whole heartedly.
She is you and you are she.
Do not mistake her kindness for weakness, or someone to take advantage of - fore she knows and see's the absolute truth.
It has taken me a long time to come to this and I'm still learning... we are always learning, growing and evolving.
If we're not? Our soul feels like it is dying.
You may find that others will judge you. Others making little snide comments in passing around the choices you have made along the way.
Some may try to keep you in the box that you have transformed from as your change, your transformations, can make others feel uncomfortable. Or they can't see that you're not the same as you are in their minds of who you once were. That you have grown, you are no longer who they want you to stay and be.
Please remember to have discernment. Not everyone will understand and that's ok. Why? Because at the end of the day, it's not your business, nor your place, to know of what others think.
Look at how far you have come and hold the vision that you see of yourself at the forefront of your mind. This is your journey and only you can walk your path - no one else.
You are here having a human experience - so live your life!
As for me?
Even the past twelve months have seen me change and transform into someone softer, more compassionate and embracing my feminine side... with only a rare occasion my hard-arse self coming forward and standing firm if needed.
I am passionate about helping others discover how they can live the best version of themselves by empowering them with the tools to do so. I will continue to strive forward to the life I'm choosing and hold the beacon of light high so those who feel lost in their darkness can find their own light and breathe in hope for their brighter future.
Are you ready to create change in your life?
Let's connect and see how I could help you step into your divine self.
Note: This is my own personal journey that I have shared with you.
Each and every person is different and therefore everyone's journey and experience is unique to them and only them.
Sending you all so much love
Christine x